the forecast is rain, with intervals of sunshine

Wow, it's been a while since i last posted. I did one around xmas time but it wasn't in keeping with my illustration stuff so it had to go *chop chop*.

I think I've not posted because I'd been working so hard on the book and getting stuff done for deadline. I finally sent some work to the publisher which i was really proud of and thought would make great pages. Due to some mis-communication, problems and hair pulling i was told they weren't suitable. I shan't list the negatives as it'd only refuel my thoughts I'd had about this and anyway it'd probably feel like pulling a plaster off real slow.

The negatives knocked me side-ways, upside down, all over the place and i found it difficult to pick myself back up. I'd worked so hard on these images and to find they only liked one small vignette and wanted me base the rest of my work around that was hard to stomach. I didn't pick my pencils/paintbrush up for a couple of weeks and sought advice from anywhere i could get it on how to pull through this. But at the back of my mind i thought...

*It's hard to face a bag of negatives in a positive light when you're only offered a positive in a negative reflection*


My thoughts started to spiral downwards and i became very negative. It felt like someone was stabbing me over and over again. My brain kept saying *what do i have to do to please these people*, but i was told over and over again by friends that *these people* are business people and in the end they have to make money, so my feelings aren't really a concern.

i really thought I'd got a grip of negative criticism over the years, but this made me realise i needed a new safety net for when i fell.

From all the negatives , i had to eventually find some solace in the little positive remark and the remarks from friends and strangers. But mainly, I had to realise that i am not just book illustration, that is not who i am, i am more than that. I can't rely on that external work to pad out my own psyche, i needed to reach inside and get back to me.

I can't say it's been easy, but i can say it's been a bloody weird journey! I am still not 100% but i feel better about myself and my work. Who knows where all this will go, maybe i am not destined to stay in this industry, i can't control that but i can have bloody good stab at it.

pumpy pumpy pumpkin

I've sat here for a little while trying different beginnings for this blog, when i got to 'pumpy, pumpy pumpkin,' i knew it was time to come down off the ceiling and cut out the caffeine. Finished working on adding a bit of colour on the illustration for my story i posted a little while ago. It's been an interesting journey; one of layers and layers of learning, photoshopping, chewing my nails and eating far too many cookies. But i am happy with the finished results, although i'm sure i'll try another version soon and like that one better, but for now i'll be leaving it there and get another started.

Things are still slow with the publisher, it seems that Frankfurt(er) is getting in the way of them pushing the book on any further! Damn you Frankfurt(er), i shake my cookie crumbed fist in your direction and stick my tongue out to roll off a raspberry just for you!

Right i must go and do something productive....i wonder if there's another packet of cookies that really need eating?

P.s i also wanted to add i've been doing this with flu symptoms, now do you feel sorry for me?!

Ta daaaaaa.....bit of work, a few words and a bath tub

It's that time again. I haven't blogged in ages, not sure what to do! I'll start with the commission i received to create a character of a friend's mother. Terribly tricky it was, as i had to get it just so, but i really enjoyed the challenge. I hope she likes it....fingers crossed.

Things are moving along with the book, 'Flower in the Snow' by Tracey Corderoy. Her website has some really loose sketches i'd done previously (do all illustrators hate looking at their loose sketches, or is it just me!?) and the colour image on the left. Things are still not finalised, but so far so good. I have faith it's going to be a fab journey. It's nice to see things moving on for friends too, lots of people from uni getting along just fine! (I can't believe i left uni 18 months ago! I have been working on this book that long! sheesh! but i wouldn't change it for the world).

Ta daaaa, that's it, that's all i have to report. I have very few words in my head at the moment, wish i could translate some of these images though. I'd probably be able to fill a bathtub with words.....hmmmm...... bathtub full of words, now where's me pencil!

Oh Chrimble Tree, oh Chrimble Tree

It's a that time again. Decorations clambering to make it near the top of the tree, lights twinkling, mince pies calling your name several times in one hour and the not knowing what to buy Aunt Betty other than a bumper bag of Murray Mints and a bath bomb.

Oh i do love christmas. It's the time when i see lots of smiles from family and friends, which makes me glow rather a lot.

Today i received my first christmas card and it's beautiful. It was created by the artist Faye Durston. Her style is reminiscent of the great Arthur Rackham and a couple of others whose names aren't coming to my mind at the moment. I love the colour use and pencil work. I sit there wondering if i am doing the right thing when i see Faye's work!! (Brain settle down).

Here's something i'm working on at the moment for Egmont (above - can anybody tell me how to insert the image between paragraphs please?), another rough but still i'm enjoying the pencil work. Quite a journey for me as there was a time when i hated using pencil, i mean REALLY HATED it. I used to use architects blue pencil to draw (still do) but refused flatly to use leaded pencil. I think being on the M.A with so many students who could draw so well (Faye and Cass in particular), really made me step back and realise i needed to improve on something that i didn't think i could actually improve on. But the last few months i have been perservering and trying very hard to accomplish at least a few roughs from my practicing. I like what i have done and feel chuffed when i look at it (although getting wonderful cards through the post doesn't help my confidence...lol).

Well who knows where my practicing will take me eh? Just have to 'keep on, keeping on'. tis a bit lonely though being an illustrator who practically lives in her studio. I need to get out more. Now where's that mince pie making group, i need inside information. Amen.