When you think no one notices....

Back at the beginning of June I received an email regarding my working on a project that 'might just interest me'.

Forward 3 months later and I'm working on said 'project' as it did very much interest me! I can't really say much yet as I had to sign a none disclosure form but what I can say is I'm thoroughly enjoying working with this team and it's been great to get to know them in a short space of time as they've already been working on this for a while. 'Hit the ground running' springs to mind, and that I did!

So, my title brings me on to explaining the situation around being asked to do this project; there was I sitting in my corner studio space, hidden away and oblivious to the goings on in the outside world....

MLXL​​

SLXL​​

Drawing and making has been my routine and people buy what I make or commission me, a nice little stroke to the soul ego, but usually I'm tucked away forming my next whimsical illustration.

When I received the email, I actually thought it was spam or some 'round-robin get as many artists interested' kinda message. But no, it was legit. Here's where the title of this blog comes in, the email said that a colleague of his had seen my work in the studio and told him about it.

This image in particular caught their eye...

 

SLXL​​

Unbeknownst to me, cogs were whirring and discussions being had, which to little ole' me who hides away in the studio is a BIG thing! I had to do a test illustration for them, which got the go ahead and I'm now working on a really lovely project with some great people. Don't get me wrong, it's hard work, I've had to speed up, change my style slightly, use brighter colours, get used to making changes here and there and most of all really understand what the client wants.

It's challenging, scary and fun all at the same time and I'm bloody lovin' it!

I guess the moral to my story and one I remind myself constantly of, is:

'Keep working, keep creating, keep drawing, keep painting; as someday someone will notice, even if it's only oneself'.

"Where do the ideas for your illustrations come from?"...'On Reflection'

I get asked quite a lot, especially at the studio, where my ideas come from. This question has lead me to take a look at where 'in me' they come from, because they have to come from somewhere, right?

Sometimes I get a flash of an image, like a subliminal message on a t.v screen that lasts only a mere second (these are little buggers to bring into concept), some images come from listening to music and at times I build an image from what is currently happening in my life or something I say which evokes strong images.

Recently I wrote the line "How can one person navigate a two person boat?" My thinking behind that is when it's necessary to navigate dark unchartered emotional waters, especially in relationships, there needs to be two people at the helm. A relationship is afterall a two way thing. It's hard to steer a two person boat on your own when the other person is needed for their understanding of what they know of those dark waters.

Anyway's, this little picture popped into my head. A very Nordic almost Viking boat, with one person very much on their own having to create their own light and understanding of those dark waters to be able to navigate to safety. It's early days yet but I think it'll be done in soft dark pencil and I'm extremely excited to have a new idea for a drawing/illustration.

 

 

the forecast is rain, with intervals of sunshine

Wow, it's been a while since i last posted. I did one around xmas time but it wasn't in keeping with my illustration stuff so it had to go *chop chop*.

I think I've not posted because I'd been working so hard on the book and getting stuff done for deadline. I finally sent some work to the publisher which i was really proud of and thought would make great pages. Due to some mis-communication, problems and hair pulling i was told they weren't suitable. I shan't list the negatives as it'd only refuel my thoughts I'd had about this and anyway it'd probably feel like pulling a plaster off real slow.

The negatives knocked me side-ways, upside down, all over the place and i found it difficult to pick myself back up. I'd worked so hard on these images and to find they only liked one small vignette and wanted me base the rest of my work around that was hard to stomach. I didn't pick my pencils/paintbrush up for a couple of weeks and sought advice from anywhere i could get it on how to pull through this. But at the back of my mind i thought...

*It's hard to face a bag of negatives in a positive light when you're only offered a positive in a negative reflection*


My thoughts started to spiral downwards and i became very negative. It felt like someone was stabbing me over and over again. My brain kept saying *what do i have to do to please these people*, but i was told over and over again by friends that *these people* are business people and in the end they have to make money, so my feelings aren't really a concern.

i really thought I'd got a grip of negative criticism over the years, but this made me realise i needed a new safety net for when i fell.

From all the negatives , i had to eventually find some solace in the little positive remark and the remarks from friends and strangers. But mainly, I had to realise that i am not just book illustration, that is not who i am, i am more than that. I can't rely on that external work to pad out my own psyche, i needed to reach inside and get back to me.

I can't say it's been easy, but i can say it's been a bloody weird journey! I am still not 100% but i feel better about myself and my work. Who knows where all this will go, maybe i am not destined to stay in this industry, i can't control that but i can have bloody good stab at it.